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It is a wall I have faced many times over the last 17 years. In those moments when I face the wall it is the most frightened I have ever felt. It isn’t dark rooms and an unchecked imagination. Or thrill rides or horror movies. It is the moment in time that one of my children is experiencing pain, sense of failure, or a barrier…and I do not have a remedy in my arsenal of Mom tricks to fix it. Nobody wants to watch a loved one suffer. Least of all does a parent want to watch their child hurt. We are programed to pick them up, dust them off, and put band-aids and kisses on the boo-boos. We learn to put on a brave face, listen, offer advise, fuss, provide tools, seek fixes, mediate, and love. Oh do we love. It looks different each time and often those very same children that we expend our energy, heart and tears for; don’t recognize the love that we live by. And that is okay. They don’t need to understand the work it takes to find the best words to use. To intervene only as much as we feel is right for their safety. To let them learn and grow…fail and succeed. And hurt.
Parenting is not for the weak at heart. And still I fear. I fear my own inadequacies, not because I am afraid of failing myself, but that somehow I won’t provide the best for those I love so fiercely. That somehow I am not good enough or worthy of the title of Mother when I am at a loss of what to do. Today when I was on Simple Intention, I was reading the description for “Forty Days in the Wilderness”. It reads…
Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
He will not leave me or forsake me. Because my Lord is by my side…I can be strong and courageous…in the midst of my fear. And I do fear. But he will not leave me or forsake me. So I will not leave them or forsake them.
I am at a wall again. But today I choose not to be afraid.
Simple Intention 
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